The Liebster Award

The reason I haven't posted much recently is because I haven't really had the opportunity to do much. If I have any stories, they're generally about work, and I never wanted this to be a blog where I complain about my job in every entry, because that has nothing to do with the blog's namesake. (That said, I got pretty annoyed at work this week because my boss took me aside and said I needed to just started saying "yes" to stuff because my tendency to argue with her when I feel hard done by made her feel "patronised and angry". I handed in my notice yesterday.)

I also don't want the blog to turn into various rants about Landlady. Not that it could, really, because I don't see her much - I am now a master hider. I heard her talking to Alcoholic Flatmate about me the other day (right outside my bedroom door, bizarrely - they are not pros like me). Alcoholic Flatmate said something about where "the Scottish boy" was all the time. Landlady said "I know he works sometimes".* The last time I actually saw Landlady properly we had a conversation in which she said I "should have gotten a good job before [I] came here". If you suspect that it is insights like this that have led me to avoid her for the past week then yes, you'd be right. A+.

So, while I try and construct an entry that has some substance, I will tide you over with this: my friend Hillevi (author of Superbitca in Space) nominated me for this Liebster Award thing a while ago, which seems to be a means of telling your readers about bloggers whom you like. Basically you get nominated, answer the nominator's questions, and then nominate more people and ask them your own questions. This means that I should really come up with questions and get other bloggers to answer them, but I don't really read many and I don't know what I'd ask them. (In fact, to echo Hillevi, "I don’t really follow a lot of blogs where I feel comfortable just randomly asking some weird questions".) So I'm not going to. Fuck you.

In order to make this blog-relevant, every answer will have a subtle Australian twist.

1. Who would play you in the film about your life?
I imagine there would be multiple actors playing me, portraying me at different ages, so's the audience can get a feel for the real me. As a child, I would be played by child-sized Australian Kylie Minogue. (She was in Doctor Who once and I'm pretty sure she did something in Moulin Rouge, so she's a seasoned acting pro.) My teenage years would be best realised by Elle MacPherson, as my hair was long and luscious. My progression into manhood could be played by Hugh Jackman and/or Russell Crowe, Australia's Two Actors. And the OST would be performed by The Wiggles. And Jason Donovan.

2. If you’ve had a bad day, what meal will bring comfort to your soul?
An Aussie burger. To all intents and purposes this is exactly the same as any other beefburger you've come across. The only difference is that Australians put beetroot on their burgers. I'm not sure you'd define it as soul-enriching but it's definitely comforting, and you might be lucky enough to have some weird-looking wee afterwards.

3. What is your favourite television moment?
Australian TV is shit so this is pretty tough. Maybe when, in Neighbours, Harold came back (after being swept out to sea, as I recall) as a total dick because he'd forgotten who he was.

4. What do you want the tag line for the movie about your life to be?
Probably this immortal line from Sabrina Down Under: "He so as mad as a gumtree full of galahs." It's so authentic.

5. What song do you choose for your battle anthem? (What kind of battle you ask? Any at all – be it with swords or word, the choice is yours)

 Jason Donovan could surely quell any warrior's spirit.

6. What talent do you wish you had that you currently don’t? Would you be willing to give up a present talent in exchange for this one?
I didn't think the stereotype of everyone surfing here would be so true. It would be cool to surf confidently enough so that if you were swept away by a fast current or confronted by a box jellyfish then you'd know what to do - and I'd have something to talk to Australians about. (Even if they don't surf, they paddleboard: stand on a big surfboard and paddle around with oars, I think.) I'd like to be able to surf if it meant not having to learn how to surf (i.e. go through the horror of having to be in the water as a complete incompetent. But as and when I leave Australia it would be something I'd probably never do again so no, I'll keep a hold on my existing skills.

7. Favourite city in the world? Why?
Sydney! Because it is the only Australian city I have been to and therefore I cannot say any other city for fear of breaking my own arbitrary rules.

8. What would be your survival plan for the zombie apocalypse?
A zombie apocalypse would be bad enough in the UK. Australia is deadly enough as it is. I would have no survival plan. Immediate suicide as soon as I heard the news.

9. Who would win in a fight between cavemen and astronauts?
Cavemen. Astronauts would be all shrivelled because space makes your muscles disintegrate. And after years of eating that freeze-dried ice cream they'd probably welcome death's warm grasp. And to make this answer more Australian: HUNTSMEN SPIDERS AM I RIGHT

10. If you could enter and live in a fictional reality/world, which one would it be? Would you do it if it meant you’d never come back to this reality?
AUSTRALIA!!! HAHAHA, nah, turns out this place is real. Who knew. I'm all over returning to the reality of the UK, though.

*If you need help in creating an air of mystery, I'd be happy to help.