Why I am leaving Australia

I am leaving Australia for a number of reasons, and I figured it made sense to explain my thought process.

If you've read any of my entries you'll know that I don't like my house or my job. I live with people either twice or three times my age who don't have any interest in my life and aren't very good at hiding that fact. (Landlady has asked me three separate times if Rachael is also moving back to the UK. I have explained each time that she is not. I don't know why the answer just doesn't register. Perhaps she thinks Rachael might change her mind because she loves me so much.) I worked with people who had no real interest in me and thought I was vastly incompetent. This is obviously absolutely nothing to do with Australia - it's just bad luck.

So I wondered about moving. I could either move somewhere else in Sydney, or move to a different city altogether. Either option would have been equally expensive: Sydney is pricey, but I'd have to pay out the arse to travel to a cheaper city. Either option would have cleared out my bank balance entirely. I used the last of my savings to come to Australia and ended up in a situation that was a bit balls; I wasn't sure I wanted to take another gamble to move to another city that might have been equally balls and then be unable to afford to leave the country at all.

"But you should make the most of being in the country!" you're thinking. You're thinking it's stupid to go all the way to the other side of the world, work a shitty job for a while, living in a house with people you hate, and then come back. And I'm well aware that it is pretty stupid. If I had stayed here, it would have been primarily because of that feeling of obligation. But that's not a good enough reason to stay somewhere. Coming here wasn't really my dream. I came here on a whim because I thought it might be fun to hang out with Rachael, and some awesome opportunities would arise, and maybe it'd be great!

But to get a decent job on the working holiday visa means a certain level of openness on your part to being sponsored (i.e. staying in Australia for ages so's a company can get you the right to work for them longer than the six months the visa will allow you to do). I realised pretty quickly that I didn't want to stay here for very long, meaning that I would be limited to jobs that lasted less than six months... Or I could just lie to an employer about how long you want to stay. I actually did the latter, and immediately realised when I was offered a second job that I really, really didn't want it.

I entertained the idea of festivals because there are a shittonne in Australia, and it would be a means of travelling around the country, but had no luck with any of the many I got in touch with. And there's also the issue of affording to travel around and stay in these places. In my situation, I was covering rent and living on cereal. If I did anything else, I'd be losing money and would have to go home before I haemorrhaged too much money anyway.

I started thinking about going home when I realised it was stupid to stay here solely because I felt like I should and wasn't actually happy here. As soon as I thought about it seriously I couldn't shake the idea from my head. I don't want to be here. I could work a few jobs and earn the money to travel for a couple of weeks, and I could just go and pick fruit on a farm for a while and earn the money to travel for a few months. I could take the risk of spending every dollar I had to move to another flat, even another city, and try again, forging a life I enjoyed more, with people I liked working with and spending time around.

But as soon as I realised I was totally capable of that I realised there was no point in being here. A large reason I came here was to see what it would be like setting up a life for myself on the other side of the world; whether I could do it at all. I can. My attempt turned out to be a bit of a flop, but I did it. And as soon as I did it I realised I didn't love the country and that I'd rather be somewhere else. I might come back here when I have time and money to see what there is to see in Australia. I don't need a year-long visa to do that, but I do need money - and I have it the wrong way round right now.

 I like Sydney and I like Australia, but I'm done. And that's fine! That's fine.

No wukkas!